The thing is though... I'm well aware that I have up's and down's all the time, and I NEED to learn how to cope better when it's a 'down' time.
Cos I'm sick of the swinging moods.
I think I have already learnt some good things though... which is good.
I joined Pinterest a while ago... and have tried not to go there too often as it is soooo addictive!
So many ideas, things to dream about, so much STUFF I want to make! Or buy! So many ideas, so little time.
Here's just a few of my favourite pictures:
Right, I better get moving... all the usual stuff to get done before I go see the Doctor.
ONWARD...
I had the WORST night in a long time.
My lower back is KILLING ME.
Coco went in and out of the dog door every 5 minutes ALL NIGHT LONG. I want to kill her.
I got acid reflux and had to semi sit up all night... got bugger all sleep... what with the dog, the back, the acid reflux... I got up wanting to kill not just the dog... but everyone!
so... I asked Griffin to vacum the lounge before he went to school...
he needed to empty it first.
He tried opening the sliding door without pulling the bolt out... and nearly broke the freaking door... then he mucked around with the vacum and broke it!
He got thrown out the front door off to school!
I'm so crabby right now... grrrrr!!!
And I've got about 15 minutes to get showered/dressed/face on and go to the Dr's. Yep, that's gunna happen!
DEBBIE: no, not on my hand, but somewhere!
The Dr's visit went OK... she came to this conclusion today:
Because I have been depressed for so long I don't know how to be happy.
And while I'm not suicidal (much anyway) and I don't indulge in 'self harm' like hurting myself physically, I DO SELF HARM BY OVEREATING.... cos deep down I don't seem to care about myself anymore? Maybe I feel I don't deserve to put myself first before everyone else?
She's got a point I suppose. I feel a failure with the diet/exercise ... and family issues... and just don't care anymore. Or I care too much? And use food to punish myself?
FUCK it's all a bit too 'deep' for me to get my head around it right now.
I'm so tired.
Tracy... think I will do what you said and have a 'nana nap'... Lacy is coming around this afternoon (when I pick her up) and we are going for a little walk ... gunna get Miss Muppet out in the fresh air.
I feel like crap... did have about 30 minutes of shut eye this afternoon... but it actually made me feel worse.
Lacy and Miss Muppet are here for dinner... we are not going walking now as I feel ikkkk. NO ENERGY at all.
Miss Muppet got her nickname from Lacy, she called her 'Muppet' during her pregnancy and I just added the 'Miss'.
MRS C. ... I'm good at hiding 'it' eh ... *smiles*
**** MAC IS ON HIS WAY!!!! Coco and Mac will make babies tonight... how exciting. ****
Mac and Coco had a lovely time... and now we wait to see if we have puppies on the way... and how many!
Exciting stuff... lol !
End of Day: another day with up's and down's... but on a whole a good day.
nite nite
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